Whatever Will I Do With All These Blogging Riches?

It has recently been brought to my attention that there is a gross misconception about blogging among those who have never explored the soul cleansing, cathartic, emotional release of bleeding emotions into words.

There is really no money to be made here.

There are sites to which a blogger could submit a work of the very deepest emotion, or the most clever, witty account of whatever adorable antics the children have gotten into, and perhaps be compensated on some small scale. One site I'm familiar with will pay a blogger $100 for an original post, but only if it is written in the style they deem to be consistant with their standards, they reserve the right to edit or alter the writing in any way they see fit, and they will then OWN those words, leaving the blogger legally unable to publish those words anywhere else without credit going to the original publishing site. For $100. Most often, as I hear more and more frequently, a blogger is compensated in "exposure and readership". Well, thanks so much for the chance at fame, but your fame is not putting gas in my car or food in my kids.

I started blogging as a desperate attempt to dig myself out of the loneliness of a miserable marriage. I thought I was happy for far longer than I actually was. It wasn't until my ex completely shut me out of his existence that I realized how completely alone I had been for years.

I first began writing on Facebook. I started a public page to discuss all I was experiencing with my son on his autism journey, the adventures of raising all three of my children, and the pain and emotional abyss of being married to someone who hated me. I never really changed in all the 23 years we had spent together, but he decided he absolutely hated me for not turning out to be the wife he really wanted. That turned out to be my cousin, apparently. But that's a story for another day.

I eventually started writing here, on this blog, because so many people told me it was a great way to try to earn some money while still being able to be present for my kids. They were liars. But between writing here and on Facebook, I found a community of people with whom I have so much in common, many friendships were born of these words. Some of them, I will probably never meet. A very few, I have had the honor and privilege of meeting in person, and am a richer person for knowing every single one of them.

I have become intimately close with some of these friends. I don't mean sexually, intimately. I mean, deep, dark secrets intimate. I mean, hold each other up through hard times intimate. I mean, when you are hurting, I am here for you intimate.

I chose to write about my life anonymously. It is the best way to have the liberty of telling the whole truth of my story without compromising the identities and the safety of the players in that story. But there is a very small group of these internet friends with whom I have become so emotionally attached, who know me. We've spoken on the phone. We have spoken via video chat. We have exchanged Christmas cards. And a few of these friends have been kind to me. Once, after posting about my frustration upon realizing that after my son fell asleep and peed on my couch, I couldn't shampoo the mess because my ex had taken our carpet cleaner when he left us, one of these dear and extremely thoughtful friends purchased and sent me a new carpet cleaner. No matter how much I protested, she swore she and her husband had finished their Christmas shopping, and when they found themselves to be ahead of their budget, they had planned on donating the extra money to someone who needed it. I posted about my dilemma that day, and she insisted, it was meant to be. It was a blessing beyond most of what I had experienced in my life.

Another kindness that came about as a result of this rich, blogging life was after I posted about having to pee in the dark because lightbulbs were not on my "list of things I can afford this week". An amazing and thoughtful friend then sent me a package of lightbulbs. I have also been the recipient of Christmas cookies, chocolate, 4 sweatshirts, (2 of which were for my children), 6 gift cards for coffee, 2 gift cards for Target, several Christmas ornaments, some silky panties, a package of razors, a purse, a scented candle, a favorite coffee mug, a Superhero cape, and a bottle of vodka. Most of these were gifts for Christmas and birthdays. All over a period of three years. While none of these incredibly thoughtful gifts can ever be considered "making a living", the kindness and love with which they were sent have irreversably changed me as a person. I have seen the open hearts of people I have never met and connected with them in ways that would never have been possible with the closed mind and closed heart of someone like my ex.

Now, because I am technologically challenged, this blog is simple. I don't insert links, I am not sure how to point you to an older post, (except to say, "Hey! Just keep scrolling down!"), and I simply type out words on a keyboard. I finally figured out how to insert a photo, but it's a process and I don't have the patience to add one for this post. I know how to make a meme, (thanks to all the really simple apps), and I can post a link on Facebook. Beyond that, my computer skills are archaic. And for the dolts who think they know me better, that means REALLY OLD. But this little corner of the interwebs is about as far as I realistically aspire to go. I don't have unreasonable expectations of getting rich or famous. I just like to write about life in general, and hope that it helps me connect to another human. I hope that somebody else out there finds some hope in my stories of survival. That's all. But there is no money to be made here. It is not my living. It is my only social life.

As for all the riches this blogging life has brought, of all the things I already drank, shaved with, wore, ate, burned, carried or hung on a tree, the greatest riches are the friendships that have given me strength and hope through some tough times, and given me love and laughter I would never have known without having shared my words. I enjoy interacting with people, even if only behind a screen. I enjoy helping people, as evidenced by the numerous private messages I have received, telling me how something I may have said gave someone the strength to keep pushing forward/leave an abusive relationship/begin an emotional healing by writing about their own story. Helping them helps me to feel like I have a purpose.

It is sometimes said, the two most powerful words ever spoken are "Me too". So to everyone who has ever stopped by this blog or my Facebook page and liked, commented or shared something that made you feel connected, that's my "Me too". These connections are the riches of the blogging life. It's not buying me a family cruise, but they validate my existence in a way one man never could. So thank you, for being my riches. Thank you.