We've Been Poisoned By These Fairy Tales

I recently posted a picture on Facebook, of a frog (or toad) that chose to grace the wall outside my front door. I had some laughs with my friends, and we looked up the folklore concerning frogs among different cultures. There were also a lot of "Prince Charming" comments. Considering the fairy tales that most of us grew up watching and listening to, it was certainly a logical turn for the conversation to take.

My own "Prince Charming" tale led me to believe, WAY BEFORE the marriage was over, that Don Henley was SO VERY RIGHT, and we HAVE been poisoned by these fairy tales. We grew up being told by our parents, and our grandparents, and Walt Disney, that if we wish hard enough, and behave in JUST the right way, some day, our prince will come. Considering how many unions actually end badly, I think it's safe to say that a lot of us make mistakes. The "Prince" turns out to be not quite as "princely" as we had hoped, and many of the "princesses" don't hold up their end of the bargain either. But I will tell you my theory on exactly why these tragic endings occur. No matter how many relationships go the distance, those fortunate, "happily ever after" success stories don't happen because somebody was "Prince Charming". Want to know how I know?

It's because THAT FUCKER IS DEAD.

There is NO SUCH THING as Prince Fucking Charming.

I wish I could describe to you how badly I want to shout that from the mountain tops!

There are LOTS of people who find love, and those couples will grow old together, and hold hands, and welcome children, and grandchildren. The very lucky ones will be around to share in the joy of great grandchildren. But there are lots of people who are NOT so lucky. I'm not even sure that "lucky" is the term I want to apply here, because some folks NEVER find a partner with whom they will share a life. Does that mean they have FAILED at life?

I follow a lot of Facebook pages that post uplifting and inspirational photos and quotes. I enjoy feeling uplifted by their positivity as opposed to only seeing the negative posts of all the "offended" Facebookers. I do my best to scroll past the petty and constantly complaining posts that will sometimes dominate my newsfeed. But lately, I find myself feeling perplexed by some of the posts that tend to have a "fairy tale" feel. There are suggestions that I "just haven't found him yet". Or "the love of your life is out there somewhere".

But what if he's not?

What if THIS is all there is?

What if I had my chance, and I blew it?

Ten years ago, the very idea that I might spend the rest of my life alone would have devastated me. I might've needed medication for the anxiety I would've felt at the idea of NOT growing old with "the love of my life". So much has changed since then, and I have to tell you, if nobody else ever comes along, THAT'S FUCKING FINE BY ME!!

I wish my parents would stop looking at me with sympathy. I wish my brothers would stop wracking their brains, trying to think of which of their single friends they want to fix me up with. I wish people would stop suggesting which online dating sites I should explore. Who wants to deal with that shit?!!

For the first time in my life, I am in charge of EVERY...SINGLE...THING I want to do. Finances (or lack, thereof) may dictate most of what I CAN'T do, but nobody else gets to tell me where I should go, what I should be doing, or what time I have to go home. I am seriously DRUNK with power over my own life right now.

I may be living on the balls of my ass at the moment, and as some people have suggested, it sure would be nice to meet someone who I could spend some time with, maybe go out once in a while to see a movie or go out for dinner, and who maybe wouldn't mind sharing the bills. But I have absolutely NO INTENTION of setting myself up on a mission to seek out some mystical "Prince Charming", so I can feel lost, lonely, and like I have somehow failed when it doesn't happen. Frankly, I think we fail ourselves when we put the responsibility of our future happiness in the hands of an IDEA of who we're supposed to end up with, as suggested by a cartoon. That's not fair. It's not fair to put that much pressure on a future partner, and it's surely not fair to set such an impossibly high bar for ourselves.

The reality is, I would love to be a part of a couple. It's been such a long time since I have FELT like a partner, the road has sometimes been really lonely. But walking this quiet road, with only my own thoughts and hopes to keep me company, I have learned something invaluable.

I LOVE myself.

It has taken me all of these 50+ years to realize that no one in my life could make me happy, because ONLY I can make that happen. When I finally stopped trying to be the person SOMEONE ELSE needed me to be, and learned to feel comfortable in exactly who I am, I finally learned what it was to be TRULY HAPPY.

If someday I should meet someone who doesn't mind dealing with all the crazy and dark places in my head that come from being hurt and betrayed, (and THAT will be the topic of my next post...), I'm certainly not closing my heart to the possibility of finding love again. But knowing with all my heart that there is no mythical being out there who will come and "save" me, and that the success of any future relationship will depend completely on an equal investment of dedication from TWO partners, gives me a better chance at succeeding in a future bond. But more importantly than that, I am perfectly content with my own company, and will never feel like I am somehow "less than", or "incomplete" because I am not half of a couple. I am COMPLETE, all by myself. Do you have any idea how freeing that realization is?

Now that I have reached a place on my life's journey where I am perfectly happy with who I am, and will never again feel like being single is the worst thing that could ever have happened to me, my only mission is to make sure my children know their own worth, and that THEY never feel like they are doing something "wrong" because their lives don't measure up to an archaic idea of "happily ever after". I have had a longtime ban on anything "Cinderella" in this house. It really doesn't matter though, because that same fantasy is endorsed in so many other components of life. Television, movies, music...all full of suggestions that "true love" is the answer to all of life's problems. I would say that was all wrong, except it isn't, because when we realize that true love of SELF is the key to finding happiness in this life, THAT'S when true love wins. Only then can we be successful in sharing ourselves on the way to "happily ever after" with another person. Or not. If I manage to successfully drill that into my kids, at the very least by setting an example of it, then I will someday die
a BLISSFULLY happy old spinster.