Please Choose To NOT Be A Joy Suck

Some folks will tell you, there are two kinds of people: those who see the glass as half full, and those who see the glass as half empty. And then, inevitably there will be the smartasses who claim there are also people who see room in the glass for more vodka.

*flails arms, wildly

The truth is, no matter which kind of person you may have considered yourself to be at any time in your life, every minute of every day is a chance to be whoever you'd RATHER be. 

Since finding my voice on social media, I have made a ton of friends. I am closer with some of these online "strangers" than I am with friends I have known all my life. Some of these folks are friends I have reached out to, based on how much I might have related to a story they told, or the laughs they had shared. Some friends reached out to me because they felt connected to my own story. The one characteristic that draws me closer to one friend than another is the inclination to be a positive life force. It is my hope that I can be that light to others. 

Some of my friends I have discovered, do NOT see the glass as half full. They don't see room for vodka. Not only do they see the glass as half empty, but whatever is in the glass, they see as poison. 

Some of these friends are actually family members, or people who have been in my life for AGES. Some of these folks will wake up and before their eyes are even opened, they already see the problems that lie ahead. No matter how many good sides of a situation you point out to these naysayers, they can always counter with the equal or more urgent cry of doom. It is a RARE occasion these friends will offer a positive or happy story, and even if once in a good, blue moon they post a status update that doesn't make me want to jab my eyes out with a spoon, it will quickly be followed with a detailed account of all the ways the day managed to turn against this poor soul. These members of my social media circle are the ones who I have come to know as:

THE JOY SUCK.

Right now, there are a few folks who are asking themselves, "Shit, is it me?" If you are wondering this, chances are, you may, at one time or another have been on the "JOY SUCK" list. Or maybe you are just a totally self conscious ball of nerves with low self esteem, but I have always found you to be a delight:) I am certain there have been times when I have been the JOY SUCK. But my friends, 

I have found a better way.

Life has dealt me a few rough cards. Some of those cards were drawn by my own choices. Some of them, bad choices. Some, REALLY bad choices. Some of my bad choices were made with the best intentions, making the road to hell seem sparkly and beautiful, but it was the road to hell, nonetheless. Now, I could have chosen to sit down on the road and cry. I could have chosen to point a finger at everyone who had a hand in leading me down that road. I could also have chosen to keep paving that road until I was too close to the rusty gates of hell to ever claw my way back out. I couldn't rip the road up, like it had never been there in the first place. Instead, I chose to use those painful bricks as the foundation for the road back to happiness. Instead of wallowing in sadness, on a road I probably never should have been on, I vowed to pave myself a new road by following a few simple guidelines. 

*I will never again wonder why people have mistreated me. I will feel sorry for them, for having lost the love and devotion of a good person. There is nothing I could ever have done to change what another person did or felt, but I can sure as hell choose NOT to allow it to define me.  

*I will not feel badly about having failed to complete everything on my "to do" list. I will forgive myself for whatever gets put off until tomorrow, and be satisfied with my best effort today. 

*I will not allow the fear of a particularly challenging day to defeat me before the day even begins. As long as I reasonably plan ahead, I will do my best to complete whatever I set out to accomplish, and be thankful for whatever I survive. 

*I will take responsibility for my own actions and for what I have allowed to happen. Even when the choices of someone else are the cause of whatever may have hurt me or caused me hardship, I will realize I had the power to walk away from a bad situation, (even the ones I preferred not to see), and I will make better choices to keep myself safe from the questionable intent of others. 

*I will NOT wallow in sorrow. Allowing sadness to consume me has been exhausting. While there are days I don't have the energy or the inclination to put on my "happy face", I have realized it is SO MUCH MORE energy consuming to give in to sadness. In much the same way as expending energy while exercising will give me MORE energy, forcing myself into a happy frame of mind will actually ignite a happy frame of mind. 

*I will always realize there are options. I can choose one action or another, and THEN I can choose one REaction or another. What I choose to say or do or be can dictate the temperament of a day. I will keep in mind if I approach a situation with an open, positive outlook, the chances of a positive outcome are much higher than if I am approaching with the JOY SUCKING negativity of a Debbie Downer. 

*Before I post any of my thoughts on social media, I will carefully consider whether or not those thoughts have the potential to uplift, or to be a drag to someone who might read them. Life is hard. Every day WE ALL encounter hardships. WHY would I want to ADD to someone's struggles? If I find a way to overcome whatever stressors I might face in the course of a day, why on earth would I not prefer to share THAT?!!! 

Now, with all these points being made, I feel I should point out, I don't mean to suggest we should NEVER complain, or whine or bitch. WE ALL do those things. We all NEED to do those things. It's part of our ventilation system. We blow off some steam so we don't spontaneously combust. But it's not healthy to STAY in that pit of sadness. We have to be able to draw the line. If you're unsure as to whether or not you are the JOY SUCK in your own circle, look back at your last ten posts. If you read them all through and come away feeling uplifted, it's not you. But if after revisiting the last ten thoughts you chose to share with your friends and loved ones, you feel bad...you feel terrible for the person in those posts, it's you. You are the JOY SUCK. And I have news for you: you are sucking the joy from yourself, too. 

There is a great big energy swirling around us. It's electric. There are positives and negatives. If all you ever put out is negative energy, that is all that will ever find its way back to you. It may feel like the world is dumping all its finest CRAP on you, but it may very well be because the CRAP is all you are inviting. STOP IT. 

All this "choosing happiness" is what works for me. I surely don't think anyone needs to be "more like me". Being me works for me. You should be you. But if you are a JOY SUCK, you may find that people initially feel bad for you. You may find people offering sympathy, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on. But eventually, all the JOY you have SUCKED will become a burden that is too heavy. You may feel like you are a victim of bad luck and the wrath of the universe. You may feel like people have abandoned you when they can no longer carry that burden and the sympathy runs out. But you  have to keep in mind, people want to be helpful and caring, but people don't want to feel oppressed by additional hardships. I promise you, they all have their own.

But fear not, my positivity challenged compadres!!! It's never too late to invite joy back into your being! 

Pay closer attention to the aspects of a specific happening to which you assign your focus. This week, I have $6 to carry me until Thursday. I am not focusing on all the things I CAN'T do because I'm short on funds. I'm grateful to have that money so I can make sure I have enough gas to get me to work. I just keep telling myself, it's only 3 more days. I can do this. I COULD choose to dwell on the hardship, but who does that serve? It creates a bad atmosphere for my kids, my coworkers, my family. I don't want to be that person. So I make the CHOICE to stay positive:) And maybe my positivity has me on some list of "obnoxious positivity pushers", but I'll take it. I much prefer to be the joy BRINGER.